Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize