Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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