I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
