You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
