At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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