cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
