Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
