I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this just has baby written all over it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
