and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
