I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
MIDGETS
????
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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