I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
