plz talk dirty to me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
