Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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