Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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