i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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