we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
