I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Everyone says I win the strip club
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize