In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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