you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
