In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
