Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
