I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
