i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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