Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
