the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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