He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
