So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
