I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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