I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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