even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
