He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
