I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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