I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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