I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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