...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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