Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
