If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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