is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
