She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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