the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
