Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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