he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
