totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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