she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
