omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
