Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
