3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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