I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
