he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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