This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
