I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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