My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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