Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
