How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
