This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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