i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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