Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
