I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
