I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
