My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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