Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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