I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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