I hate your face
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
