I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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