Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
