I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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