You're earring is so big in my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
