Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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