Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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