when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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