Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
