I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
