youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
