who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
