So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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