cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize